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  •   leftyab123 liked this post about 1 month ago
    Watermelon

    In 2002, the urge to return to school hit. Although it was 24 years later, the urge was so strong it guided my steps to the bursar’s office to question anyone who might answer before I sat down to another cheap yet delicious meal...
    Watermelon

    In 2002, the urge to return to school hit. Although it was 24 years later, the urge was so strong it guided my steps to the bursar’s office to question anyone who might answer before I sat down to another cheap yet delicious meal at the campus cafeteria. Once told what my actions were to be, I set off for the cafeteria to meal down. Fear would have me eat more that day.
    Why so long? It would be kool to say it was family and life on a different level but the truth is it was fear, ego, and resentment which I allowed to hold me back all that time. I’d experienced a nasty situation in high school and it burned me to know end. In that last 2 years of the 24, I’d begun to experience truth which was I may not have been in the situation had my behavior not opened the door. So no matter, what, I can say it wasn’t necessary for this to happen yet it did and my pain became my blessing years later. Isn’t that always the case?.
    Class starts, I’m as ready as can be and filled with fear that I’m inferior to the younger students and will be the only one my age present. I have a speech 100 course and a professor named Golda Solomon who in her spare time is a poet-tress to jazz. I fall in love with her spirit as she displays her love for English and speaking. Her class request is for a persuasive speech, no more than 500 words. I wonder what I will write. The group is mixed and I’m loving what is taking place. I start on four different subjects but I’m not striking the mound. Then it hits, watermelon!. Write on your love for watermelon! My mind is swirling as my pen hits the paper. I come up with 500 words in a cinch and satisfaction is my name. Now we are asked to read our papers before the class. I get up to read mine.
    As I stand before my peers and read the room grows silent. Every few seconds in my upward glance to make sure to keep eye contact, I see expressions changing over time. I’m painting and they are watching the canvas fill up with coloure. Golda is on the side with a hard pressed look and as I near the end, I notice one student, an older woman is crying. I finish and Golda looks at me and is in awe. One student states he hates watermelon but is willing to have a piece right then and there. I smile as I’m pleasantly surprised at the response. They clap as they repeat “Wow” and my shyness surfaces.
    There is a fluidity which happens for those who step into that space where only one and God exists. I wanted to recapture that moment to share but it’s not present, only bits and pieces are…I wanted to share with you that same richness I shared with my class but neither am I willing to cheat you as I didn’t cheat them…the only fluidness I can share is the present but…if I ever find the written copy I will be sure to share it with you…

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  •   The Nurses Pub liked this post about 2 months ago
    Thank you all for the likes, shares, and comments...makes me feel warm and fuzzy!
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  •   abottleofyouth liked this post about 2 months ago
    She was lean, gaunt is how I would describe her and beautifully complexed. In actual, she wasn't much taller than I yet I saw her this way in mind. I believe this was the case due to my thoughts on her position in the office, my perception,and... She was lean, gaunt is how I would describe her and beautifully complexed. In actual, she wasn't much taller than I yet I saw her this way in mind. I believe this was the case due to my thoughts on her position in the office, my perception,and insecurity at the time.
    Her visit to the apartment regarded my complaint of mice droppings in my sons' captains bed drawer weekly. I lived in a renovated apartment which hadn't been properly completed. She and the manintenece guy were there to check my conversations and to help resolve the issue, or so I thought. She began to question me on how my rent was being paid. I found that odd of her being a housing assistant. She knew that but why was she asking? I responded in shame, embarassment, and resentment in a respectful tone.

    She stated there was nothing which could be done. That I'd have to patch up the holes on my own and maintenance would assist with traps. "What?", my thoughts shouted,..."Is this chick really telling me she's not going to do anything?" I thought she was nuts! In response I said, "If this is not taken care of, I will report this to the Dept. of Health and have fines incurred. If they do nothing, I will be moving in with you and your family. You don't really expect me to accept that, do you?" This made her hot as it became clear my being on welfare should have made me more humble. Soon after our encounter, I found she left for another post in Housing. I felt a sense of relief.
    I was in a horrible place during this time. I struggled for a long time and mostly becauase I was so buried in self pity, fear, and despiration. I wouldn't find out until later that asking for help kept me weak and having others feel sorry for me solidified that weakness.

    Now its 15 years later and guess what? Gurlfriend has returned as a manager. And guess who she invites to her office? Right! Now I sit across from her and I can see that sneer is not only for me but to let me know I'm the new meat on the table! I'm still having issues paying the rent on time. I've been reported by a neighbor for running a jewelry business from my apartment, and Gay; her name, calls me back to her office. We set up a plan to get me back on track but I'm thrown off by the neighbor's actions and I'm back in the sling. The plan fails, I'm told by Gay an eviction is pending and that she wants me out. Why such hatred in her tone? I'm so busy concentrating on that while running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I can't see the forest for the trees. I reach out for help. I'm talking to politicians on various levels, I have Tenant Association President's involved, and even the Community Board members see what's up. One politician asked me what is really going on commenting he knows something more is up. What I share makes sense to him as Gay is known to be a "Headhunter". Ahhh...so now I get another painting!

    Well, I end up before a judge who gives me 20 mins to review my options. He also says he will support me as best he can and provides his direct line to me based on what I chose. I return after a cigarette and tell him I'm leaving. Why? Because in that hallway, it dawns on me that 20 years earlier I asked God to help me move south to give my son a better life and I sat on the fence for the years to follow. I hated Gay in those moments. I thought she was the devils' spawn for sure. I took for granted that being a Black woman she would understand my plight and go out of her way to help me. I wanted to believe in a sisterhood which just doesn't exist.

    In 2007, I made my way to Tampa Fl. Within the first 8 months, I was ashamed of how I left NYC and then one day the door opened for me to fully understand that Gay had done for me what I chose not to do for myself. She forced me to decide my living which opened up an entirely new world for me. She forced me into my own inner strength which has helped for move closer to God.

    I'm no longer living in Tampa, but I'm ever so grateful to Gay C. for being who she is...It doesn't make a difference what she thinks of herself in her position, how she treats others, or herself for that matter. When God was presenting ways for me to move South, I was busy sitting in self loathing. I couldn't see past my eyelashes! I'm not that person and wasn't then yet didn't know. And allow me to top this off by sharing, the sistah who was the lawyer for NYCHA was none to nice either. As it turns out, she happens to be the first cousin of the woman who has opened her home to me as I write!

    Thank you Gay C.....your words, actions, behaviors forced built me thus having me see this situation was a great thing to have happened...how can I not be grateful and how could I remain angry for a twisted love.......
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  •   Sharifah liked this post about 2 months ago
    Oh...and the requests too!
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  • I'm receiving emails from members but nothing is showing via my notification button...not iggin anyone at all...just so you know! ‏ — feeling happy
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  • MJewell
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    LIFE CHANGING ALLIANCE
    •   General
    •   Thursday, 03 August 2017
    Life Changing Alliances was created for Individuals who just wanted to not only read Personal Development books, but Study them. The Platform has created a s...
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  •   leftyab123 liked this post about 2 months ago
    "She came from the back of the bus to the mid-front and placed her middle finger in the between the braids of young girls head, right in her crown and scratched three times sayng she had a bug in her hair, then turned around moving towards the... "She came from the back of the bus to the mid-front and placed her middle finger in the between the braids of young girls head, right in her crown and scratched three times sayng she had a bug in her hair, then turned around moving towards the back of the bus where she'd been seated. The young woman wasn't alarmed but thought it was some sort of joke. I sat looking and thinking they knew each other as many of the young people are going home after a days work from the amusement part near by. The young woman smiled as she looked to see who the woman was and turned back in her seat. I continued to file my nails while listenng to Fourplay.
    She moved so quickly, I thought she was wearing the same uniform as the others coming from the park. She fluttered to the front again asking the young Asian couple what number bus we were on turning to head to the back yet again. She came to the back door, opened it looking for something or the driver who was on break as I finally noticed the tattered hems of her multiple wears as it began to paint a deeper picture for me. When the driver retuned, she approached him for conversation, then headed to the back again. Seconds later, she came and sat infront of me by the window..
    I'm sure she was in her late 40's or 50's as I couldn't really tell with all her movement she seemed to keep her face hidden in her rush. She relocated again, sitting infront of the Asan couple who looked at her in wonder, and there she remained still.
    How long would she ride tonight? Did she have a destination or would she be riding until asked to get off? It was clear a break had taken place. A seperation from the rest yet not a lone wolf. Was this a case where if medication was given there would be more "normal" behavior? Would it make a difference if so?
    I thought, what difference would any of it make. Something deep fractured within her and it was clear in that short time she was in a norm and the beauty of it all was she was seemingly harmless and deeply loved by the Father of Creation. Yeah, something more was happening on an emotional side and still she was receiving just as much love as the rest of us from God, unconditionally..."
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  • I don't much care for offices that paint the walls "environmental" greens and blues. I feel the coloures make the statement that atmosphere had inclusion of good. Cheap seating lined the walls, both empty and occupied by people who were in some... I don't much care for offices that paint the walls "environmental" greens and blues. I feel the coloures make the statement that atmosphere had inclusion of good. Cheap seating lined the walls, both empty and occupied by people who were in some type of situation which demanded their presence. NYCHA (New York City Housing Authority) is that way. When you are asked to come to the main office, most often it not for the positive.
    I entered and immediately saw the drab colouring of the walls and seating and hardly a smile. I myself understood my end to living in the projects was close at hand as I took a seat. I got comfortable for the wait.
    "I watched him enter with who appeared to be his wife. Round body from the lower chest down, it was clear her cooking was great over the years and he'd settled into life in Spanish Harlem. As he found his pick of chair, I noticed how he nestled in for the same wait with that "why don't they just leave me alone with this" look as the air immediately filled with the lightness of his colonge. A scent he's worn so often, he more tha likely didn't have to put any on before leaving. I loved his guayabera, a soft green with dark slacks. Calm and even in appearance, I could see Old World Puerto Rico durng a time where deep respect was given to any woman or man on the street by his demeanor. A beauty he gave up for a dream which didn't appear to have taken place in Spanish Harlem. A dream faded into the background of someone else's aspirations, leaving a sour acceptance of "at least I tried" on his spirit.
    "Michelle Jewell" is being called....I turn my attention to the woman directing me to the room where my journey is about to take a new turn....as I rise from my seat, I take a little bit of Senor with me...
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  •   abottleofyouth liked this post about 3 months ago
    "I boarded the bus and within seconds, I could smell the stentch amidst the coolness of the air. My response was no response as I found my way to seating around the scooter with it's hangings of items to be used again at a later time.. I sat on... "I boarded the bus and within seconds, I could smell the stentch amidst the coolness of the air. My response was no response as I found my way to seating around the scooter with it's hangings of items to be used again at a later time.. I sat on his left at the window, across from the senior seating and nestled myself.
    I was immediately reminded of Babaluiye who some might regard as "The Center for Disease Control" who many take their issues to for illness and disease in the asking of healing. Thinking of how he is depicted with his trusty companion who is by his side to lick his wounds and sores, I remember hearing once he too carries a scent which is very strong and to be respected by not commenting. In essence, there is a reason for this and repect is given.
    I have no idea what creates in another the lead to stop living in a "norm". What it is for one is surely different for another. I know I've been close more than once, but there is an unspoken strength which is needed on both sides. I knew I was looking at a decision and what it entailed void details. Details aren't necessary when you see the result..."
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  •   Guest commented on this post about 3 months ago
    I heard this this morning, " when you make the decision to buy a cd from Kirk Franklin, he returns nothing to you at all, but when you invest in yourself with person development, you return so much to yourself..." These words weren't exact but... I heard this this morning, " when you make the decision to buy a cd from Kirk Franklin, he returns nothing to you at all, but when you invest in yourself with person development, you return so much to yourself..." These words weren't exact but it made so much sense. When I take the time to build me in a better way, I increase in so many areas of my life to have me function in a better way with all I come in contact with. Smilin at the comment, I'm found truth in it. I love gospel, but Mr. Franklin's dream is being built by me when I buy one of his cd's. When I make the choice to listen to get on a personal development call, I work to build my dream....I think I'd much rather work on me than give Kirk another hookup!

    If anyone is ever interested, let me know....its a great call daily!
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  •   leftyab123 liked this post about 3 months ago
    Hey Nichelle....How are you and welcome to Nabukie!
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